The Saturday outs

In trying to force my way out of the house more I push myself even harder on the weekends. The idea of raising these two kids to simply sit inside and not venture out would be a crime if not a form of neglect. So I announce that though the weather isn't as nice as yesterday, we will walk to town if just to window shop a little. I get a "stare"...you would think I had dropped a plate of broccoli in front of them ;P (I love raw veggies and they have never forgiven me for this-lol ). They soon realize that "Anxiety mom" is not joking and get on their shoes, sweatshirts, and we head out the door. As much as I like spending time with my girls it soon occurs to me that I can't hold two conversations at once, though it doesn't seem to bother them as they talk over each other. Before I know it we are walking on the sidewalk in the midst of this old town "strip" of jam packed antique stores displaying "closed" signs and no given idea if they have any real time they are open. My sarcastic daughter cheerful comments how they must simply put there things in there and will open "later" to find all the items are now antiques -hehe. I reply "much like your room?" :) we all have a few chuckles till we come to an open consignment shop sandwiched in between two cafe's emitting the glorious smells of cooking spiced grease. A luster of bells ring as we walk through the door to awaken the woman behind the counter. So much crap so little time, I think this to myself, as the store attendant tries to decide who to follow as we spread out in this large home of unwanted goodies. She chooses my oldest, the teen-as we all know parents never have the money for trivial things but the teen, if not money then obviously if not buying then stealing. Have I mentioned before how much I hate this town?..the stereotypes run freely as well as the gossip. After my daughter is coaxed into buying a used tennis racket and tennis balls it will be up to me to persuade her to actually make good and use them :) and we move on to the next "open" store. I'm holding up well, the babbling of the girls always makes going into public so much easier for me. I haven't had a panic attack in a long time, I wouldn't wish them on my worst enemy, truly. It wasn't till I decided the worst of the fear for having them was to have them in public for all to see and wonder if I was on some drug induced fit. I finally just told myself the next time i had an attack would just let it "run it's course" and not worry so much how people react. Lets face it, people are going to judge me weather the attack be large or small. After one or two attacks after that they became less and less. I figured out the more I "worried" they would happen the more they did happen. It was one of my defining moments in my battle to fight this thing labelled anxiety. Now I just need to start liking people-haha, that may take a little more time. Till then me and my girls will continue to have our Saturday's out and about. We will babble about all the oddities this town tries to sell or offer us and in return share ours with them :)