Even the puddle rug has issues.

I don't like whining, I really don't think anyone does. It hurts my ears, sets off a desire to run yet we in our heads we all do it at times. Lets face it kids whine, some more or worse then others. I'm grateful mine never have, though I'm not really sure way. I have a little voice in my head that wonders if it's something I did as a mother or if it's a way I have reacted to it when they were younger (no, I never "lost it" on them). I remember saying a few times in a calm serious voice "your whining, I don't like it, I won't listen to you in that tone, " and look away. I remember as a child myself if I went to my mother with something bothering me she would say "your just feeling sorry for yourself" end of conversation. I learned to keep most of my feelings to myself after that. I have always been the level headed one with people, if someone is upset they always seem to come find me. Looking for an answer, opinion, solution and I'm happy to help. When I'm feeling useless, upset, depressed, I go into quiet mode. I don't usually share what's on my mind. frankly when I'm like this I'm of no good to anyone and just use what energy I have to function. Too put on a fake smile go into work and be a positive person they all think I am, it drains me. I really don't mind being "the rock" in life. I don't mind being peoples puddle rug they come to when they need encouragement but I would like to hearabout, or be part of the good times too. I have to say these past couple weeks I am "spent" "feed up" or maybe it's time for me to just have my moment on the pity pot. I'm just going to get it out here.
I don't want to be everything to everyone anymore!
I don't want to be the responsible one!
I don't want to be the reason that people are not happy!
I want to cry in a corner and have someone else "fix" things for a change.
I don't want to be lonely.
I want a hug.
I want to be happy with who I am.
but most of all I just need to feel that there is another shoulder that can bare the decisions in life to keep moving forward when things "go wrong".

yes, mom, I know-"quit feeling sorry for yourself"-life is what you make it..but I've ran out of glue.